I watched Wolves vs Watford on Sunday, in the Semifinal for the FA Cup. In the 62nd minute, Raúl Jiménez chested down, and volleyed a a ball, that was sent in by Matt Doherty. It was spectacular Doherty already had a goal before that in that match, off a ball sent in by Jota. Doherty unleashed hell, really all match down the wing, but the ball to Jiménez and the execution was everything. More of a lobbed ball inside the box, about 40 yards out. Jiménez knew he couldn’t wait for the ball after it came off his chest, and he jumped to smash it home. Beautiful technique and the utter audacity, was superb. The goal, arguably wasn’t even my favorite part of this ongoing sequence. It’s what happened after.
Raul Jiménez ran behind the goal and lifted one of the signs you see laying behind goal for ad placement. I would Google what they’re called, but to be honest, I hate them and don’t think they should be there in the first place, so no. Then I remember what comes of it, when Jiménez lefts the sign and brings up a “Sin Cara” Mask. With the Wolves crest embroidered all about, it was the best thing these eyes have seen on his TV in some time. With Wrestlemania later that day, I think He knew exactly what he was doing. Sin Cara is a Mexican-American Wrestler in the WWE, and Sin Cara himself actually gifted Raúl the mask. He posted the video in his Instagram, and that’s really badass. #TodosSomosSinCara
Growing up, I was big time wrestling fan, and I started with wrestling action figures. I presumed to the next obvious stage of almost breaking my cousins necks with Rock Bottoms, to trying to put every kid in the Walls of Jericho. My little brother was a huge “Y2J” Superfan, is to piss him off I’d put him in the “Walls of Jericho”. Almost like the times my Tío would give me the “Stone Cold Stunner”, in every single bounce house of every family function. Stone Cold was my guy, the mother fucking Texas Rattlesnake was coming for that ass every Monday night on Raw. The Rock and Stone Cold Wrestlemania, almost made me cry. I probably did but you’ll never know you jerks.
With the Celebration after the goal, and the unification of Wresting and Football, I got an idea. I need an All Time XI, of Wrestlers, that I could put on FIFA 19 AND FUCK SOME ONE UP. Then I thought, what if I could have this team in real life? You bet your ass I was high when I thought of this. So lets begin.
My Wrestling Starting XI.
Of course, my formation is none other than a
4-1-4-1, because that’s all that I run in FIFA. I will be picking 3 subs that I would bring in the pitch as well, because I couldn’t narrow this down to just XI. Hell, I was going to do a full 18 but it got a bit chalky when it came down to deciding, and quite frankly, became to time consuming. Here it is.
Who else better to have in your team, stand in front of fans with flares and shouting hateful shit at you, than Kane. Or in FIFA, have a 7 foot Goalkeeper who could take care of far post and near post. All he couldn’t get, is that low stuff, but hey I’ll live with it. He has to wear the mask though, like Petr Cech with head gear. Would be very interesting to see how well he does in Penalty Kick situations. His head would almost touch the cross bar, and that’s insane.
One of my favorite masked wrestlers, would wreak havoc down the right wing. I picture him as more of a Jordi Alba type player. Quick on his feet, feisty, and would absolutely do work swinging the ball in (619). Pace has to be above 88.
Right Center Back
I need versatility in this position. Nobody more versatile than Mick Foley. Mankind was my favorite, followed by Cactus Jack, then of Course Dude Love. Hard and tough away matches, I’d call upon Cactus Jack. Mankind would be there for the big Cup Home games, and Dude Love would show up when occasionally throughout the season.
Left Center Back
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Shithouse specialist and overall badass, would control and boss the game. Stunners in the box. Middle fingers to the ref. Stomping mud holes in your striker. Can I get a hell yeah? I’d compare him to Sergio Ramos. Nobody gets more rise from the crowd than Ramos. Maybe cause he’s my favorite and Stone Cold my favorite, you could see the two joined together. I may catch some hate for this. I could see Sergio Ramos giving a stunner to Suárez at some point, or stomping a mud hole in him. “WHAT?”. You get it. Defense 93 at least. Bald and a goatee? Definitely hated by all away fans, but loved by all home fans. My fucking guy.
You know what, I love this. He can play in the bandana. Fans can have signs that say “1,2,3 Kid” on it. Filipe Luís in a DX shirt, would be fitting. I think X PAC could find himself in Diego Simeone’s side. Crazy and bold enough to get the crowd going, and worthy of the Wanda. This took me the longest to find a fitting for, but I find the most perfect fit for, I think.
Its pretty self explanatory. I’d picture him being a GIANT N’Golo Kante. That’s not how the world works, but that’s how it works here.
One Substitute comes here, and it’s mother fucking Goldberg. SPEARS SERVED THROUGHOUT THE MIDFIELD. Picture how good Kondogbia is, but add a Spear into that. Maybe even take it back to a Makélélé roll for either of these guys
Dudes flying in on some crosses or some set pieces. Setting people up nicely from the outside, also, crazy guy putting it on the line when he needs to. Really one of my favorite wrestlers as I got older, cause I appreciated all that he did. Incredible. TLC matches were electric. Ricardo Quaresma-esque. You know Jeff Hardy is scoring a Trivela.
You know, you have a player you need to give the ball to bail you out, Kofi can save you. His incredible performances on a nightly basis, would save you from getting the boos from your own crowd, or in FIFA, he’s your savior. Kofi is your Emotional leader. He’s setting the tone and pace in midfield. I’ve only seen Kofi wrestle a few times, but I’ll never forget the times I saw Kofi in that ring. Kofi in the Paul Pogba role. Do whatever the hell you want really, you’re that good.
Central Mid/Attacking Mid
Who else but the Heart Break Kid? You know that Sweet Chin music was coming. That leg definitely good at taking some freekicks in FIFA. He will get that crowd going, and he’ll be the one to have all your women supporters going crazy. It’s just what HBK does. FK ACC in the 90’s. He’s sending dimes down the lanes all day. That beautiful hair flying through the wind. I’m just making him Christian Eriksen. Imagine. This is where substitute number two comes in, I need Triple H to come in if I’m winning, to shit this mother fucker down dominate the midfield. Pedigrees all around.
I know what you’re thinking, what the fuck right? This is whack. Again, in this formation, I need sacrifice in this wings and a crazy bastard. This mother fucker jumped off the top of the Hell in a Cell. Are you serious? Every match he’s in, I thought he was dead after. He’s not in a lot, and I know he’s not a regular, but holy shit if this man wouldn’t put it all in this line for the club everything. Then in FIFA, he’d be like having James Milner in the wing, most versatile mother fucker you could put anywhere, but he’ll get the job done. Have I lost you yet? Probably did at Stone Cold.
You can’t see him. You can’t see his runs. You can’t see shit, except that ball in the back of the fucking net. Shadow runs, off the shoulder of every defender. True Poacher. This is the buff Robert Lewandowski. All the headbands on in match, and he waves his hand in front of his face every times he scores. Those FIFA celebrations would be legendary. Imagine getting a 92nd minute winner, and then going to the away fans, “ U CANT C ME!”
Thank you for checking this dumbass blog out, it was a lot of fun to do. Wrestling and Soccer were a lot to me, and it was cool to tie them together. Shoutout to Raúl Jiménez, and Sin Cara. I can’t believe I wrote this, it’s a high thought, I turned into something fun.
You guys matter, stay blessed and have a good week. Thank you.
Roll With It.